So I’m going up the mansion hill road, it's a 2 lane up a steel hill. I was passing someone and all of a sudden I hear a bang, I felt like something fell out of my car! And my car stops working. I’m slowing down dramatically, and I am trying to start my car, I failed to do so. So I tried to the best of my panicked state to get over to the side of the road, but I was in the left lane, so I was then diagonally trapped in BOTH LANES!!!

Thank GOD some guy pulled in behind me and offered to push me, but we were on a hill, he couldn’t do it by himself. Some guy driving by cursed at me! And the man helping screamed “F*CK you, thanks for being a Good Samaritan!” Two more people stopped and helped me to the side of the road. I was shaking so bad, I called my dad immediately! He came right there and AAA. Then to add salt to the wound, a police officer was going to issue me a ticket! Because I was stopped on a high traffic area. WELL THERE ISNT ANYTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! He didn’t give me a ticket but he drilled me about my proof of insurance, my license, my pink slip. I’m in the middle of a scary moment asshole.  AAA gets there a half hour later, and tows my car to the garage I go to. If my car is dead I don’t know what I’ll do! I have school in 2 days and I need to be able to get back and forth to get to work! Fuck my life.

So, it's 7:52am I just got up ten of 7. I have a doctor’s appointment (yay T_T) at 11:00am, and I have to go to work at 8:30am. I’m leaving work to go to the doctor, it’s right up the street from work anyway. I’m sitting here at my computer, and my mom is folding laundry in the kitchen, watching the weather channel, and my dad come’s strolling down the stairs. He walks in the kitchen after playfully teasing me about how he wants the computer, and I told him, no. I can hear him talking to my mother about the rent-a-center bill being due, amongst other bills, and my mom tells him that they cannot pay $40 on the rent-a-center because they only have $38 in the bank…that’s pathetic but anyways. My dad says to her, “and we’re both low on beer” so I lean in the computer chair enough to see them and say “shouldn’t beer be the last thing on your mind right now?” I said it calmly; I said it like a person would normally ask a question. And he freaked out.

“Jesus Christ, Ashley you know how to ruin my morning every God Damned day! Fucking Bitch!” and he went outside and sat down and pouted like a child. I started to go after him to say “What the Hell, how DARE you!” but my mother begged me to not fight, because we fight everyday and she can’t take it, so I closed the back door on him, and I walked away. Something, I have to say, is VERY hard for me to do. He came back in after a while and went into the living room and started watching TV, and now at 8:03am, he apologized. I didn’t respond. He said “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to freak out like that, but you knew that would set me off.” Honestly I didn’t, it was a simple question. Then he said he’s trying to wean himself off his pills (I don’t know which ones). I am not talking to him for the day. In fact right now he’s trying to strike up a pleasant conversation and I’m ignoring him. He isn’t getting the hint I’m pissed. I would rather not talk at all then talk and get yelled at again. Now I have to run upstairs because water is coming from my bathroom into my kitchen sink. I think the bathtub is leaking…again.

I fucking hate today.

So here's an update into my life.

I finished the Twilight series (thank you Sarah) and I loved it...uhg, but Bella was...I dunno, she was arrogant to me once she became...strong. I guess Edward didn’t help much, and Jake is HOT in the New Moon Movie holy crap!

The attic is at a stand still because it has been about 80 degrees here and raining so the humidity has bin unbearable up there in the attic, there are only two VERY small windows.

My weight loss is getting there. I just figured out that if I lose 5 pounds every 2 weeks I will almost be at my goal by my bday :D
I am doing Pilates over at my local gym, its $6 a class :[ but worth it, plus a body sculpting class. I might have to just join the gym period to get some cardio into my life because of all the rain I can't even walk a few miles around town.
My diet has severely changed. it's more of a life change c(=
I am eating a brand cereal with some fruit cut into it every morning with skim milk. or when I’m not hungry, like today, I am having a small apple and a small glass of skim milk. I was all into the Soy milk but I really don't like the taste, and I read that's the terrible for women D= it can suppress thyroid function (obstructs weight loss), alters hormone levels and is beginning to be implicated in breast cancer. I got that from a web site.
for lunch I have like a granola bar thing, at 10am, around 11 I have a hard boiled egg, at noon I have a salad, around 1pm I have a "Fit and Active" (diet) string cheese, and at 2pm I have a weight watchers yogurt. They are REALLY sweet, so awesome when I’m pmsing and crave chocolate (plus they have flavors like Boston cream pie :p
and for dinner, I have whatever my mother is making, but I take half the servings I usually would.
Or if I’m cooking for the night everyone has fish, or chicken, with some veggies and last time I make brown rice with green chilies and tomatoes YUM!


I have been working 48 hours a week, which isnt terrible because it's lots of moneys but I have almost no social life.

I bought my mom her Christmas gift, she has never been to a Broadway play, and since I LOVED The Lion King, I am taking her to see it on September 26th! With Jolie! AND!!! Jolie and I will be able to have a drink at Dinner!!! YAAAAAYYY!!!!


My Birthday is a huge hype for everyone, I think it's because it's all I’ve been talking about for the past few weeks.
I have a lot of people who are supposed to be going, whether or not they will is debatable. I am going to a bar about 30 minutes from me called Shenanigans. It's awesome and they have the best wings. http://www.lakeharmonydining.com/shen/shenIndex.html
so far the people who said they would come are:
Me duh,
Laura
Dina and her GF Ashley
Katarina, maybe her cousin Julia, her friend Danielle, and her BF Chris
Heather
Diandra
Peter
Jason and Kathy
Danielle and Tyler
Jolie used to work here so she knows the Bouncers, so her and John
Kim Y and her sister said they would come
Kim W and Bret too
Megan said she would be there and Josh is more then welcome
Sarah hopefully 8B and she's more then welcome to bring Kristen and Shelly and Chris

so if everyone comes (I highly doubt) that's 27 people! So I was thinking of getting party bus

So tonight I decided...well my mother decided I could cheat a little on my diet. Which, I am just torn up about...
I think she just wanted me to make a nice dinner because it's Sunday lol. So we're making Salmon Fillets on the grill marinated in a homemade steak sauce with parsley, lemon, green onions, sugar, garlic, and pepper. :P
we’re having it with a brown rice mixed with tomatoes and green chilies and turkey sausage, and we making a vegetable mix that we'll steam up on the grill. YUMM!!!

For dessert I’m making a peanut butter cheesecake brownie muffin. Of coarse it's 80 degrees out while I’m baking.
Then I think later on when it gets cool out we'll have a nice fire in the yard. :D

what a good day.

I have been dreading for months over seeing Bill again. Because i knew that I would see him, and feelings would return, and man that did suck. Last night I saw Bill again for the first time since Christmas 2006 that was the last time we held each other, kissed, well…that was the last time I saw him.

Last night his sister graduated, and I love his family, I really do, so I went to the graduation and afterward I went to his house and we had cake and tea.

At first it was awkward for the both of us, at least we weren’t looking directly at each other and kind of avoided being within a short distance. Then I started talking to his grandfather which whom I liked and still do. He’s an incredibly intelligent man, so is Bill’s father, and they are so funny. They had me laughing the whole night. Bill came into our conversation, and I tried my hardest to act normal and go with the flow of things, and it was much easier then I had anticipated.

It was like we never had our past, like we never hated each other. Everyone was reminiscing, even me and Bill, about each other, our friendship, and our relationship.

I expected to leave there with that oh so familiar ache in my chest but I didn’t. I left and didn’t really feel anything. I realized how much I missed him. I wanted to touch him so badly. Just feel his hand or bump into him. But we were both careful to avoid such a thing I think, and it’s for the best.

I know that I could be friends with him if well…he never dated anyone, but that’s asking WAY too much. It would hurt me to be in his life, while another girl was his significant other. I still love him, and I hate that that will never go away. So friendship is out of the question. Another thing I didn’t even think of was how good he would look! He grew some facial hair, a goatee which is very attractive for his face. And he looked taller and leaner. I still feel this strange longing for him, and I hate it so much. He’s the only one who could ever make me feel the way I did when we were together.

I think about it and think, would we ever have made it? Probably not. I think in a way we’re like his parents…they were so meant for each other, but at the wrong time. He always said, sometimes people can be so right, and so meant for one another, but will never be ready for each other. I think Bill and I just weren’t ready. And we never will be. It’s sad to think of it that way. On my end it was finally the closure I was looking for. He’s doing well, and he’s much happier then I have ever witnessed him be, and that’s great! It was nice to see him again, it was like nothing had changed.

So far the attic has been almost completely cleaned. Next step is dry wall and electricity, and cable. Then we can spackle sand, paint 8D

I wanted to make myself a picture diary of our process. :) so this is what my attic looks like now.

This is all the crap we threw out! we threw out an old bed too but someone came a nd took that before the trash men could :/


Here is the right side of my attic. there are all of our games, and some of my mom's records



this is the left side with all of my mom's christmas stuff and her plastic canvas stuff. oh! and one of out creepy coobie holes



all of our old barbie stuff that we can't seem to part with






look at all the damage my bother did with the spray paint uhg














oh good, water damage








oh that's just eh hole my brother punched through the wall when he and his long term gf got into a fight, he broke his hand that time. and some beams in the wall


nice huge crack in the wall





Ugly carpet and ...some ugly plastic feeling something that was put on the floor...





oh no wait. THIS is the punch in the wall that broke Mark's hand, not the other one, duh

oh, i like this one because it shows how tilted my house is. this picture i took straight up and down with my camera, see how the chimney slants oh so delicately to the right?

The stairs that lead down to Dina's room (soon to be my room)





this is the light switch my dad put in at the bottom of the attic stairs...you know, the attic with no working electricity. and we see how well he did witht the switch too...

Ok so I have had the smallest room in my house for...well ever. It's traffic. My sister has to go right through my room to get to her own! Past my bed. My floor creaks, my ceiling and walls are crumbling around me! I have wanted my sisters room (the 2nd largest room in the house) for well ever.

So my Great Aunt Marie is selling us her dining room set. It was my Great Grandma Annie's and it's very beautiful! It's a light colored wood, with a white tile in the middle, very lovely chairs, and a china cabinet goes with it, she's giving it to us for only $200. Which isn’t bad, our current kitchen chairs are...well falling apart, like everything else we own. And the table can extend so we can have family dinner with my brother and his family.

Any who, so THAT is our initiative for the summer.

My sister and I spent 6 hours in our attic today cleaning it out. There is still a lot to do but we got a lot done, we got rid of EVERYTHING we didn’t want. we threw away about 9 full bags of junk we've collected through the years, we also have about five bags of old toys and clothes we are going to give to good will, and a few boxes of books we would like to donate to our towns public library.

Tomorrow we are going to get rid of the nasty blue carpet up there and the coobie holes.
We will be getting our neighbor to get electricity up their and more outlets. And we need to find the cable for her TV.
We want to re-drywall the whole attic for her, I think she wants to paint it a nice brown color, and then we'll probably paint the floor and get an area rug. The beds frame she has is our brother's old one, and she always ends up kicking it by accident because for some reason it has wheels, and she always hurts herself. So she just wants to put her box spring and mattress on the floor, which is something she's always wanted to do anyway.

We also need to get a banister by the stairs so she doesn’t fall down them in the dark :-/

We’ll have to paint the stairs too of course, and the attic door.

ANYWHO! While all of her things are out of the room I am going to take the carpet out of (Dina’s old room) my new room. It’s peach blech! I want to re paint the floor because I don’t feel like sanding it and staining it. I would need a power sander. I also want to get an area rug. I want to re-paint the walls even though Dina only painted them a short while ago, a few years I think. But they're Penn State Blue! My canopy bed is a deep green. Its iron and it looks like vines are growing up it. My bed set is a nice light creamy color. So I want to repaint the room a pale green, like pale ivy, and a cream. I like having two walls one color and two walls another, I think it looks nice.

Then I will finally have a nice sized room. Also I will invest in a door since none of our bedrooms have doors for some weird reason or another.

Finally, my old room, the middle room, will become a computer room/ my moms sewing room. It’s crumbling around me so that needs to be re dry walled too. We’ll have plenty of paint by then. Our computer is currently in our dining room. We want to shift that to the room above (my soon to be old room) and also put all of our movies and board games in there.

SO that’s the plan. We want to have it done by the end of June, which if we work had we can get it done.

Yours truly,

Ashley 8D

So, summer is kicking off splendidly with some cold and rain, the camp ground was "hoppin" with a whole 25 people Friday. Usually there is over a three page list of incoming people, but it's still May. I felt bad I couldn’t get my mother anything for her birthday, but my sister and her girlfriend got her new dishes and put my name on it. I got her roses for mother's day, one for each child. They’re dead already...the roses I mean.

I made almost $400 last week working so that's a pleasant outcome.
That will go toward my car, and my dentist. I need my car inspected, tuned up, oil change, tires rotated.
My teeth, well I need some cavities filled but I had to wait a few months because I have to pay...well...a lot to get white fillings. I'm 20, my mouth will not have silver in it, and I have never had silver fillings. ew.

my dad and I are fighting, that’s something new...I think he is literally losing his mind from alcohol. sigh....

Last, but certainly not least...my very best friend in the world got into a car accident. She's ok. I was talking to her literally on the phone up to 10 minutes before her crash. a guy fell asleep at the wheel and went into her lane, she, as well as the woman behind her had to jerk out of the way, in to the wrong lane, a van was coming at them so they continued left, causing both of them to lose control and flip their vehicles into the side of a mountain. I thank God that she wasn’t near one of the many cliff guard rails around here or she would have gone over...thank God too she wears her seatbelt, or she might have died. Her car is gone. totaled. the van she almost ran into also saw the accidents (obviously) and actually chased the guy who fell asleep (because he was driving away) and blocked his lanes so he could go no further.

When she told me she got into a crash I got sick so quickly...have you ever literally felt the blood run from your face? I did. I don't know what I would do if Jolie wasn’t here...it's wouldn’t be good I know that much. She had to get a cat scan, her first...and hopefully last...ambulance ride. She has a neck brace and her arm is cut up from glass. her head was pounding probably from hitting it off the window in the flip of the car...

I got her a tiny elephant to make her feel better, that’s her favorite animal, and its name is lil Peanut.

that's what’s going on in my life as of right now. I'm heading into my second Wednesday of work for the season.

I have a rant for later but I don't have time to write it right now. Two Spanish ladies screaming at me over the phone because they themselves are...well...stupid. I know how to do my job; I have been doing it for three years...please don't yell at me because you don't understand...uhg.


Till later

Ok so updating on my weight loss status…

I did my first weigh in and measurements this morning with my mom 8I ß that’s a face

So I weighed 173, that’s sell then I weighed throughout the semester. But I just wrote down 175 because I figured that’s what my body averages throughout the day.

Measurements:

Neck: 13.5 in

Left Arm: 13 in

Right Arm: 13 in

Shoulders: 46 in            DX

Bust: 39 in

Waist: 32 in

Hips: 41 in

Left Thigh: 25 in

Right Thigh:  26 in

UHG!!! I am happy with how curvy I am though :D but my hips and shoulders are HUGE!

Any who, I figured out my exercise schedule too. My 51 year old neighbor works out 4 times a week, I am going with her. Mondays and Wednesdays we’ll do Pilates, Thursdays we’ll do weight training, and other days we do cardio, but I’ll probably do that more.

We were at her house last night for cinco de mayo and I had my first margarita :D it was yummy, and she decided to pack my lunch for today, a nice salad, a cheese stick, and some fresh strawberries yay!

Tonight my first night at Pilates, I’ll try and convince my mom to go.

I think I might cut my hair…a few inches…

And I got Twilight on my ipod now!

OH and I am doing my nails today. $5 Kiss nails from Wal-Mart. French Manicure to help me stop biting my nails!

This August I will be 21. I am about 175lbs...5'3" and i am unhappy! I am determined to lose weight before my birthday. I am single and i will be able to go out! Meet new people! i want to look amazing 8) So. I will be doing a combination of a well balanced diet with portion control, and I will be exercising with my sister and neighbor at LEAST 3 times a week or four times a week.

My goal weight loss is 35 lbs. not in 4 months but over all I think I would be comfortable at 145. I think with the way I am built I would look sickly if I was much less then 145. I am even skeptical with that :-/

I mean, I am built broader. I am a 36 DD bra size, and I have big hips, but I DO have a tiny waist. I have an hourglass figure and I love the way I’m built. Honestly, I think a lot of women would like to be as voluptuous as I am. I know I’m pretty too. Not to sound conceded… I know I am. X|

My goals for summer:

Lose weight

Exercise more

Get a friggin tan

Get my car worked on

Change my hair

Stop biting my nails

Go to a dentist (I need a cleaning it’s been 6 months)

Get new clothes! :D

See a Broadway play (I want Dina and Jolie to see the Lion King REAL BAD!)

Get my dog to the vet (she’s an inside dog so shot had to go on the back burner unfortunately, I am poor)

Have the BEST BIRTHDAY EVAR!!!

Redo the bathroom for my mom

See Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in IMAX
Paint more

And other things I’ll add when I think of them

I will be taking measurements Monday when I start my transformations :D

I think I will update every 10 days to 2 weeks.

Weight and measurements of my thighs, calves, upper arms, neck, bust, waist, hips.

So there ya go…. I will be updating more I think now that summer has arrived :)